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EDITORIALS


The faux-pocalypse: a preparation guide


By Optimist Editorial Board
Posted on December 6, 2012 | Editorials, Opinion | Comments Off

As the Mayan calendar comes to an end and a sense of panic fills the air, many people are looking for tips for how to survive the end of the world.

We would like to provide you, not with advice for the Armageddon, but with ways to survive the people who actually believe the end of the world is near.

One in 10 people in the world believe the world is ending on Dec. 21. About 700 million people are going to act like Dec. 20 will be their last day of normal life.

So we’ve come up with a few ways to navigate these people in a safe and possibly even fun manner. Make the most of these believers’ last day on earth.

1. Plan ahead.

You might want to check out those Armageddon movies ahead of time to prevent being disappointed by their disappearance off the shelves in Hastings. Look for Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, The Day After Tomorrow, The Road, Wall-E and, of course, 2012. These movies will help you set the right kind of mood.

2. Be smart

People preparing for the apocalypse usually go to one place: Wal-mart. They’ve got to stock up on those essentials. So avoid Wal-mart and other similar places on Dec. 20. Or if your cable is out, bring a lawn chair and enjoy watching the madness unfold.

Even if you’ve never played the stock market, now is the prime time to start. Investing in weapon or ammunition companies will pay off once the world doesn’t end. With all of the believers buying survival equipment, these companies will profit, and so can you.

3. Take advantage of opportunities

Don’t be afraid to use the end of the world as an excuse. Taking off work, not paying bills and doing exciting things all make sense if you believe the world is ending. Your boss will excuse your paranoia. And why not use this as an opportunity to go on that dangerous adventure your loved ones have denied. Go sky diving. Bungee-jump off a cliff. Take a swim with some sharks. The world is your playground. But please, keep it reasonable. Remember the world is not actually ending.

4. Love is all you need

The end of the world has given us a gift: the best pick-up line ever. Does that pretty girl in your geology class slightly believe the end is coming? Then this is the prime time to ask her on a date. People are more willing to give love a chance when they believe their time is running out. They rearrange their priorities and realize love is all they need.  So be brave and go ahead and say, “I know the Mayans were wrong because I can definitely see our future together.”

With these tips, hopefully you can stay safe and even benefit from the craze that will undoubtedly shake the world on the Mayan’s doomsday.

So from us at the Optimist, we are signing out– maybe for the last time. Good luck.

editorialboard Posted by Optimist Editorial Board on Dec 6th, 2012 and filed under Editorials, Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.  - This post has been viewed 7217 times.

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